Myositis Awareness Day - Monday Sept. 21

Dear Friends & Family,

I am writing with a prayerful heart in hopes of raising awareness of this very rare muscle disease. There are 3 types of Myositis. Inclusion Body Myositis (IBM), Dermatomyositis (DM) and the 3rd type of Myositis called Polymyositis (PM). They are thought to be autoimmune diseases that cause the body to attack and destroy it's own muscles. In the TMA's (The Myositis Association)terminology, " These diseases cause swelling and loss of muscle. They are also called idiopathic inflammatory myopathies. “Idiopathic” means the causes are unknown." and as there is no known cause, there is no known cure.

Nine months ago a very close friend of mine was diagnosed with IBM. It was only after 16 months of countless tests and doctors appointments, because this disease is so rare and not yet understood, that this diagnosis came about. Over the past 6 months I have and continue to see the progression of this disease as it attacks and destroys his muscles. At the same time I continue to see Augie and Leslie walk in faith and trust that Jesus is with him every step of the way. I have seen their God given wisdom and faith at work. I know that it has been and will continue to be through their own prayers and prayers of others, that they are able to walk this difficult path and still have peace and joy.

While I don't usually make requests on my blog, I have a simple request today. I am asking for your prayers. God will do the rest. Would you simply pray to see if God would have you support this cause in some way? If you ask Him He will show you.
For more information about Myositis please visit. http://www.myositis.org/

Remember, prayer is simple, but powerful.
May a special outpouring of the Love and Peace of Jesus Christ be with all those with this disease and their families this day.
In Christs Love,
Jennifer

Some of you have been asking...

Some of you have been asking, what's new? Why haven't you written? Some of you have simply asked how I was doing and said you miss my writing. Thank you, I appreciate that.

So first, there is always something new, just not always something to be written about on an internet blog. Second, I could give you lots of "excuses" for not writing (some of them would even be true) but the real tuth is that even though I love to write, sometimes I just don't feel like it.

There are times too when I am doing a lot of writing, about what's going on, lessons I am learning , and things God is showing me. These have found a home in my journal. Some to be shared later, others not. I have learned that some things are not for public writing, even though I get a great lesson out of what is going on either in my life or those around me, some of the lessons are not for immediate sharing, usually because it is not finished. If the lesson hasn't taken root in my heart, how can I share it? As we say in AA, "I need to give it away to keep it, but I can't give what I don't have."

That all being said, here (in a general way) is what I've been up to over the last few months.

The remainder of 2008 I spent enjoying 3 day work weeks which gave me more time with God and others. My time with God included searching with-in and allowing Him to "grow me up" some more into the person that He and I want me to be. And that simply put, is to be more Christ like in all areas of my life, especially in relationships with others. My time with God also included bike rides and walks with the dogs and some more water skiing till about October. I took part in Beth Moores 12 week Bible study on Daniel at a local church. This was the first Beth moore study I've done in a group and I'd recomend it to anyone wanting insight on the life of Daniel and how to stand firm in the midst of opposition along with revelation of some prophecies Daniel spoke about that have come to pass and some that are yet to come. The study was well worth the time.

In November I made a trip back to Ohio. It was a week of celebrations and opportunities to just love on family. I went back for my moms uncle's 90th birthday, my brothers birthday and Thanksgiving. While there we, my moms sisters and their familys, realized it had been 11 years since we had all been together. Leave it to the love and inspiration that our 90 year old great uncle has and continues to give to bring a family together for a reunion. Way to go Uncle Alden!! & Thanks for always being there for us. We had a great time!!! A few days later I was able to spend with my 'older' brother for his birthday and then we and his partner fixed thanksgiving dinner for the rest of the family still in wintry Ohio.

After that it was nice to return to somewhat warmer weather here at home to finish out 2008.

I was able to take some extra time off work around Christmas and spent a nice quite day with friends.

In January I went back to 5 days a week at work and now am on 6 days a week. I am blessed, I love what I do. Currently I'm doing audit work and corporate returns and loving almost every minute of it. This is my second season back in public practice and with the same company. There is no doubt in my mind that I am doing what God gifted me to do. How many people are blessed to say they love what they do for a living? I know I am one of the few and wish everyone could say the same.

For now with a grateful heart and a prayerful heart I say .. that's it for now. May 2009 bring you peace and an appreciation for the truly important and fulfilling things in life, the love & fellowship with God, family and friends.

May God bless each of you.

Painful Disconnect....

"You can measure the degree to which your heart beats with His by your visible, active concern for the needy." Indeed devotional on Ecc. 4


This was in my devotional reading this morning and I need to say, it is like the final blow of the hammer hitting the nail on the head of a painful lesson. I know that we are called to be comforters to those around us in their times of need. "God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." 2Cor 1:3-4 I have been comforted more by God and others, than I will ever to be able to repay. My hearts desire is to share that comfort. I want to help others receive the hope and peace that I have found in Christ. One of my favorite prayers is the prayer of St. Francis. It is a prayer asking God to make me a instrument of His peace. In there is the request asking him to help me to seek to comfort rather than to be comforted, and to love than to be loved. In other words it is a prayer asking to be more like Christ.

This is impossible to do if I am disconnected from the only one who makes that possible.

Over the last couple months I have failed countless times to fill this desire of my heart. I've felt like Paul. "I have discovered this principle of life-that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh what a miserable person I am! Romans 7:21-24

That power within me is anything I allow in my life that takes my primary focus away from my relationship with God. These last couple of months I let many of my old ways take me on a downward spiral. I allowed old attitudes, thoughts, behaviors and feelings, take my focus off Jesus. I got self-absorbed in my "stuff", (& it really is all small stuff,) and my feelings, at the same time I started taking on responsibilities that weren't mine to take and started trying to 'fix' circumstances or people that weren't mine to fix. Though my heart meant well, my mind and eyes were not focused on Christ.

I could see and feel myself making choices that I didn't want to make, doing things I didn't want to do and neglecting what is really important, loving God and serving others. I didn't' start fighting back hard enough or soon enough and this weekend I imploded. If you've ever done that you now how painful it is. I know and have seen how God has worked it all out to His glory. Because of the choices I made I have missed many blessings, but I got the lesson. It's a lesson I don't wish to repeat, ever. So I will work harder and press onward. May it be to His glory that it will stick this time. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matt 6:33

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen.

Taken From Chapter 11 (Page 99) of the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", a book published by Alcoholics Anonymous* World Services, Inc.

Let Go or Hang on?

How many times have we seen the picture.... A long rope with a big knot at the end of it and a cat appears to be 'hanging on' to it...The sentiment reads.."When you get to the end of your rope, just tie a knot and hang on"

First of all, I have not figured out how to tie a knot at the end of the rope and still hang on, second, by the time I get there I am usually out of strength to do much of anything, and third if the only thing I am doing is hanging on... what is going to change? If I am hanging on, I will continue to exhaust myself and ... well for me that has always lead to misery.


Over the last 17 years I have grown much more accustomed to "Let Go and Let God" I have found that when I let go of the rope or whatever it is I am hanging onto and reach for the hand of God, He is always there, reaching out to me. Unlike a rope, He will grab me back and hold onto me. When I am weak He is strong, He will lift me up or He will hold me and He will gently set me back down on solid ground.

I just read in a new devotional this morning something that sums this up for me.

“Your faith in God today is your lifeline to His heartbeat. Faith is the hand that reaches up and takes hold of God’s promises and gathers in the spiritual treasures that are found in Christ. Faith sees the sunshine of God’s face even when there are dark clouds all around.” Taken from: 'Today is Your Best Day’, published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. and is used with permission.

Today I choose to embrace the blue skies as though I am on eagles wings. I am gratefully enjoying the Love of God that has wrapped the blessings of friendships and relationships I never thought I could have. I live in a peace and contentment beyond my comprehension. God has provided for my every need and has blessed me with gifts and treasures, experiences and opportunities I never would have thought to ask for. Today I am richly blessed because I choose to let go.

When we let go faith can take us wherever we want to go.

"For as the
waters fill the sea, the earth will be filled with an awareness of the glory of the
Lord"

"..His brilliant splendor fills the heavens,
and the earth is filled with his praise. His coming is as brilliant as the
sunrise.

"Rays of
light flash from his hands where his awesome power is hidden."

Habakkuk 2:14; 3:3b-4

Beneath The Silence.

Have you ever wondered what goes on beneath the surface of the ground after you plant a seed? What does it look like? What way are the roots growing? Would we see struggles? Would we see pain in the roots as they grow? Would we see any light or just darkness? What about sound, is there any?

I know from my own experience in pulling up plants that they always seem to have more roots holding them down than I ever imagine. I wonder, how did there get to be so many and why are there so many on such a tiny plant? And have you ever wondered how those little things can be so tough? I am not a green thumb by any stretch of the imagination but I do know that the roots of a plant are how the plant gets its nourishment and strength to stand and grow. When the delicate flowers and plants are up against a strong rain storm or a drought, it is in the depth and strength of its roots that it will find its sustenance. And when the winds blow it’s the deep roots of the plant that keeps it grounded. Though it may become bruised or broken and at times wither, if its roots are strong and their gardener is attentive to its needs, it will not just survive but will grow into the beautiful plant that God intends, and much praise will be given to the gardener.

I believe God does that with us. At least that is what it feels like he was been doing with me over this last year. After what seemed like a long year of storms, the past 12 months has been a time of “refreshing”. I felt weakend, bruised and shaken last year. But my faith in my gardener remained strong. Without which I know I would not have come through the shaking as I did without drying out completely. It has been by continuing to nourish my roots in Christ that has enabled me to walk through “life on life’s terms”. It’s in times beneath the surface, the "“silent times” sometimes in the dark cold times that I’ve grown stronger in Him. In those times I experience the comfort of my Gardener and am able to soak in the blessings of this life He has given me. It’s during these times that I have become grateful for and learned to embrace and enjoy the “simple things” in life, taking walks or bike rides, playing with the pets, or just sitting in the sun or under the stars at night, fun times and quiet times, alone or with an expanding circle of friends.

In order to grow beautiful and strong, like the oak tree and the evergreens, I must seek to go down deeper in the soil of my soul. Deeper into the word of my Gardener that feeds life into my spirit and is the very essence of my being. Just as the roots of seedlings go deeper receiving good nourishment to grow up right and beautiful, bearing good fruit, I pray that as I continue to go deeper in Him and remain under the shadow of His wings, I too will grow up right and beautiful bearing the fruit He planted me to produce. All for His glory and praise.

I am blessed! And I am grateful, may I not fail to bear fruit.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17

.... Moving on A new Job

Dear Friends
As many of you already know, my last day with Adventures In Missions, was Friday December 14,2007. After a little over 4 years of service God has shown me it is time to move on. A big THANK YOU to all of you who have supported me with your prayers, friendships and financial support during my time with AIM.

I had a sense back in June that I would be leaving AIM by the end of the year, but I wasn't sure when or how that would take place. I am happy to say that after seeking Gods' will, and taking the necessary steps in the 'job search' process, He has opened the door for me to return to public accounting. On January 2, 2008, I will begin my new job at Collins and Bull CPAs Inc. I am excited about getting back into tax work and using the gifts God has given me in this area. I am additionally blessed in that I will still be working right here in Gainesville, actually closer to home now. God is sovereign and I am grateful.

If you would like to contact me about your tax or accounting needs, please feel free to call or e-mail. My contact information is:
Jennifer Zody, CPA
Collins and Bull CPAs
459 Boulevard, N.E.
Gainesville GA 30501

JZody@collinsandbull.com
Phone: 770-536-0209
Fax: 770-536-7653
www.1040.com/collinsandbull

Gods Gift

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end,
Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From that time forward, even forever."
Isaiah 9:6-7

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas as we celebrate our dear Saviors' Birth. May the fullness of the Fathers love for us be revealed to you in a fresh new way today.
In His Love, Jennifer

Who is on Your Mind?

Who is on your mind?

According to information put out several years ago by the National Science Foundation, we think a thousand thoughts per hour. When we are writing we have twenty-five hundred thoughts every 90 minutes. The average person thinks about twelve thousand thoughts per day while a deeper thinker, puts forth fifty thousand thoughts daily. (Statics taken from Charlie Greer –Web Article 'What are you thinking'). All my searches gave me the same numbers, somewhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day. That is somewhere between 1.4 and 7.2 thoughts per second. Amazing!!

My mind is flooded with thoughts everyday and many of those thoughts are about the people in my life. I think about my family, my friends, co-workers, and the list goes on. Who do you think abut the most? Your husband?, your wife?, sons or daughters? Close friends? Why are they on your mind so much? I am guessing you are like me, and it is because they are an important part of your life and you have a special love and concern for them.
Do you know who’s mind you are on?
I have been reading and meditating on Psalm 139. I have found it to be very comforting and validating at different times in my life. Two verses that have left me in awe this time are verses 17 & 18; “ How precious are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.” Wow, I am always on God’s mind. I thought 60,000 thoughts a day was a lot. I would not want to try and count grains of sand for even one minute.

I cannot imagine that many thoughts. But God is God and He can have that many thoughts about me and you, at the same time! Now read the end of verse 18 again, ”When I awake, I am still with you.” If I am still with God when I wake up, then I have been on His mind all through the night. God never sleeps and He never quits thinking about me! I am overwhelmed to think that the God of all creation is constantly thinking about me! There are no words that can adequately express the magnitude and depth of Gods’ thoughts about me and you. I am sure His thoughts are not sub-conscious or fleeting either, but rather deliberate, conscious loving thoughts with purpose and meaning. I wish I could say that about all my thoughts towards Him. I do know that as I continue to read and meditate on these verses, my thoughts of God are becoming more conscious, more meaningful and more and more overwhelming. At the same time my thoughts of others are also taking on new meaning each day. But no matter what, I will never be able to comprehend the vastness of our omnipotent, omnipresent God who loves us and thinks about each of us, day and night.
Who is on your mind today?

An Expression of Love

I was in the store earlier this evening and noticed several men in line buying flowers. A little while later, I was in another store, and noticed the empty shelves where all the Valentines Day candy and gifts had been. People were making an effort to purchase something to give to their loved ones on Valentines Day to show them how much they loved them.

During my drive home, my thoughts went to “I don’t have anyone to show my love too” then suddenly, my thoughts turned to the greatest love of all, my Lord and Savior Jesus. He was the greatest show of love by a Father that there will ever be. I had to ask myself, "How do I show my love, to God? How am I showing my love to my family, my friends, my co-workers, my church family, people in the stores, the orphans, the struggling teenagers, the recovering alcoholic, the lonely and depressed, and my four legged friends? " I know I have love to give, because the Spirit of Christ lives in me and Jesus is Love. “As the Father loved me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:9-10, 12.

This past weekend I watched the movie ‘John Q.’ Denzel Washington plays the father (John Q,) of a boy who has an enlarged heart and needs a transplant or he will die. John Q is willing to do anything to save his son to the point where he is ready to take his own life. September 11, 2001, the greatest tragedy the United States has ever known, brought out the deepest love some will ever know outside of God. It was a living example of Gods’ commandment to love in action. This past weekend on Extreme Home Makeover, there was a return of love as they built a home for one of the many 9/11 heroes.


Each day I have many opportunities to express my love in many different ways o the people in my life. I can express it in a phone call, or write it in a note. I can express it by lending a helping hand or extending a listening ear. I can express my love in a prayer or a hug or with a special gift. There are countless ways I can express my love to others. And, each time I love another, I love God too. “ The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ ” Matt 25:40
Gods’ Valentine to us. John 3:16

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. It is said that this day is in honor of a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up his Christianity. Who will you honor today with your love? and how?
May the warmth of the Fathers love embrace you today and everyday.

I Choose to Listen

I sat at the table this morning having breakfast and reading my Oswald Chambers devotional, the title was “Must I Listen”. I had not quite finished reading it when I noticed the birds chirping outside. I paused and listened. It was the same consistent chirp over and over, steady and persistent. This went on for several minutes. Then there was silence.

I began thinking about the many times God has had to tell me the same thing over and over. He may speak to me directly, during my prayer and meditation times, or He may speak to me during my bike rides, or walks through the park. He often speaks to me through other people; in church, in my meetings or just during times of fellowship or general conversations. Many times the message I am receiving from Him through someone is one He has already given to me either directly or through someone else.

I have learned that when God gives instruction He wants me to obey. He cares so much for me and wants what is best for me, that He will repeat the same instruction until He knows I have listened and I understand. Then He will wait. There is silence. God is waiting for my response. When I feel the silence, I must ask myself, why am I not hearing God? Is He speaking? Am I not listening? Has He already spoken? Is He waiting for my response?

“The destiny of my spiritual life is such identification with Jesus Christ that I always hear God, and I know that God always hears me. (John 11:41) If I am united with Jesus Christ, I hear God, by the devotion of hearing all the time.” (Oswald Chambers)

Heavenly Father, thank you, for always listening to me. Help me to not be so caught up in other things; my work, my service, my own thoughts and convictions that I do not listen for you. May I always be open to receive the messages You have for me through the messengers You put in my life. Grant me courage to obey and not be stopped by silence. Today I choose to listen.

“ Speak Lord, Thy servant is listening.” 1 Sam 3:10

“Listening” – the act of hearing attentively

Do you listen to the birds chirping? Or do you hear them as part of natures background music?

Grateful to be a Recovering Alcoholic

Twice in the last few days I have been completely overwhelmed with gratitude that I am a recovering alcoholic. First was at the meeting Wednesday night. We had a “popcorn meeting.” A “popcorn” meeting is a meeting in which different people are chosen to speak on a topic they “blindly” pick out of a basket of suggested topics or questions. How fitting it was for me to draw out one that asked “What are you grateful for?” I was almost speechless and my mind rushed, “we don’t have enough time,” I said. And that was the truth. How could I sum up all the blessings I have received since I’ve been sober? I couldn’t. I said, “I am most grateful that AA introduced me to a God of my understanding. My relationship with my God is the best relationship I have today and I know that He is always with me no matter what. With out that nothing else matters.”

I don’t remember what else I shared but I remember feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. Standing in front of the meeting, and looking around I saw a beautiful group of about fifty people. They were from different back rounds, different races, different cultures, and different classes. We are different but we are so much the same and we’ve been brought together by a common desire, to live life free of the bondage of alcohol. I stood in awe as I saw the miracles in front of me. I am grateful beyond words that God chose me to be one of these miracles, a recovering alcoholic.

Friday night was another meeting in which I was overwhelmed with gratitude for God’s grace. The topic for Friday nights’ discussion was Step 1, “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.” We, as do most meetings in the area, have a “first step meeting” when someone is in attendance for their very first meeting. We do this to encourage them by sharing our stories of what happened while we were drinking, how we got to AA and how our lives have changed since our involvement with AA.

Looking around the room I saw a diverse group of people, being themselves, being real. As I looked into their faces, I could see fear and hope, sadness and joy, tiredness and stress, peace and contentment. Each face tells a story, a past and a present. However people were feeling, none felt the need to hide it. We were brought together by a common disease, we stay together by sharing a common solution. While I listened to people tell about their battles with alcohol, the pain and misery they went through I could relate back to my own struggles. The more I looked around the room I became more overwhelmed with gratitude for this program that God has placed at our disposal. A program that walks us out of the deepest darkest miry pits of despair and hopelessness and brings us to an all loving, all powerful merciful God. A God who lays before us a path to peace, serenity and wholeness beyond what any of us could have ever dreamed or imagined. Once we get to the door of AA all that is left to do is to make a choice and take the next step.

True, not everyone that attends these meetings is a believer in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t either at first, but I believe this is the path God intended for me to take. It is in these meetings that I hear gut level honesty, not just about the past, but about what is happening right now, that I do not hear anywhere else. There is no fear or shame in sharing about our daily struggles, and there is no pride in sharing our daily victories. We have surrendered these condemning feelings, along with our alcohol, to a Higher Power. The program has taught us as Jesus does, there is no room for these self-defeating attitudes and characteristics, in our lives today. I am grateful to be one of the many who have come to believe in Jesus as a result of this program.

AA is a ministry field for me and it is moments like these, that I have shared, that bring an unexplainable fulfillment to my heart and my spirit. God has turned my past into a blessing and the more I share it the more of Him I receive. Today I choose to share more of me for Him. Will you?

The Power of Three Words

( More reflections on Psalm 30)

It was Friday December 22, the day I planned to drive back to Ohio to spend Christmas with my family. It was a foggy rainy morning. Even though I had gone to bed early, I didn’t sleep well through the night and I woke up feverish and achy, the ‘bug’ I had been fighting all week seemed to have peaked. Under normal circumstances, I would have gladly spent the day in bed, but today, my family was expecting me and I knew I needed to be at the funeral home for my Aunts’ visiting hours at 6:00pm.
I was able, with Gods help, to get myself going and get the car packed. After taking my needed time for prayer, asking for Gods protection and guidance during my drive and covering my friends and my family with prayer, I started on my ten-hour journey, it was 6:35 in the morning.
I had only been in the car a few minutes and the unspoken words became very loud, “Count Your Blessings.” First, I was thankful I had been motivated and had gotten my packing done earlier than usual and was not up late the night before finishing. I felt very blessed to be able to drive back to be with family. Not only was I physically and financially able I was able to take off work and I could leave knowing Fival (my cat) would be taken care of. I enjoy driving and am thankful I have the capability and endurance to drive long distances.
I wasn’t on the road long before I became extremely grateful that I have gotten in the habit of taking my car in for routine maintenance and inspection; oil change, tire rotation and balancing etc., before I take a long trip. This time I had just taken my car in the day before. While I was there, I was informed my brakes were just about gone and should be replaced. The mechanic that was working on my car said I might make it to Ohio but probably would not make it back. The longer I drove in all the rain, fog and traffic, the more grateful I became, only God knows what mishaps having new brakes helped me avoid. Although it was 11 ½ hours later, I arrived safely at my parents’ house at 5:45 in the evening.
Having an “attitude of gratitude” has propelled me through some of the most difficult times in my life and this was going to be another one. I had plenty of time so it was not hard, in spite of what was concluding a very emotionally challenging year, to continue counting my blessings during the drive. Being a child of the Most High God, I have a Father in heaven who loves and cares for me and He has given me so much more than I could have ever dreamed of, more than I will ever be able to recount.
I am eternally grateful that I have a personal relationship with Jesus, the Savior of the world. In Him is my joy, my hope and my strength and through Him, I have the promise of an eternal life free of pain and sadness. It has been His grace, strength and love that has carried me through the year. He has blessed me with true, Christ centered, friends who love me, comfort me and strengthen me while walking through this earthly journey with me. I have a family that supports and loves me for who I am today. I could go on and on. Having and ‘attitude of gratitude’ has not only changed my outlook on life, but, it has changed my life. I encourage those of you who want this experience to join me on this “walk in gratitude.” May your life be forever changed.


‘You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.’ Ps 30:11-12

Step Back - Remain in Peace

As I sat, alone, in the still silence of my living room, I was overwhelmed with a peace and contentment that is beyond my comprehension. How grateful I am that I have a Father in Heaven that is so faithful to the small, often times silent voice with in me. I am grateful too, that I serve a God who knows my every thought and feeling, and even when I do not voice my prayer, He still hears my prayer.
It is beyond my understanding that I can feel so at peace and at ease when there is so much going on inside of me and in the lives around me. I am not exaggerating when I say that everyone around me is having a lot of “life” happening right now. To be very honest, there is a lot of ‘stuff’ happening and affecting the people I am very close to and care very deeply for. I hate much, of what is going on in their lives and more so that I can’t “fix it”. I can’t take away their pain, or mend their broken heart. I can’t take away their struggles and make their way easier and I can’t take away their sicknesses or heal their broken bodies. But, I can do something much more meaningful and more powerful; I can take them to the throne of God with my prayer.
Part of this mornings’ reading in Oswald Chambers “My Utmost for His Highest” devotional was “ As a worker, be careful to keep pace with the communication of reality from God or you will be crushed. If you know too much, more than God has engineered for you to know, you cannot pray, the condition of the people is so crushing that you cannot get through to reality. Our work lies in coming into definite contact with God about everything, and we shirk it by becoming active workers.” What this said to me was, “Keep in touch with God so that you will know His truth and not be overcome by the ‘appearance’ of truth and the lies of the enemy. In every circumstance, God knows what I need to know in order to stay grounded in prayer first, and then enter only the works He wills for me.
This confirmed my revelation; that I must take a step back, and allow God to work in the lives around me and I must continue to seek God in my own life and be in prayer for them, asking God to bring forth His true plan for them. I realized I had fallen back into the “I need to do something” mode. Reality is, if I am taking care to seek God in my life, and lifting those I love and care about to Him in prayer, that is the best “something” I can do for them. It is also during these times that I prepare and open myself to Gods' leading on anything I will be able to do to help in the situation. I then must act in faith and trust.
"Holy Spirit within me, awaken me, in my friends and family's times of need and teach me how to pray. Let my words of prayer be the words for Jesus to take to the Father. Father, discipline me to listen for your voice, that I may submit to you fully. Then strengthen me, so that I may live in full obedience to your will. May all glory and honors be yours, in Jesus name."

Am I Grateful Enough...

Reflections on Psalm 30

" I will praise you, Lord, for you have rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health. You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death.” Psalm 30:1-3 NLT

Sixteen years ago, I was in the pit of my alcoholism. I could not imagine my life with or without alcohol. It had become my strength, my comfort and my shield. Though this war was raging in me, between my soul and spirit, most people did not know I was battling this disease. Some how I was able to maintain two separate lives, the one you saw and the one I was really living. The life I allowed you to see portrayed Jennifer as having it all together, strong mentally and physically, doing well financially and just enjoying life. I was a good person doing all the right things. The life I hid from you was one of insecurity, shame, loneliness and sadness. I was a sick person, wandering around with no clear direction, doing the wrong things and trying not to let the consequences overtake me. I was full of fear and I was losing the battle.
Today I am fully alive. I put my trust in the Lord and with His strength walk through my fears. I have no shame in who I am, I am a child of God. I seek direction from Him but I am not perfect. As I admit my mistakes and accept the forgiveness and discipline of the Lord, I remain a victor not a victim. No longer am I filled with loneliness and sadness, I am blessed. I am blessed with a host of friends that share their lives with me and allow me to share mine with them. My best friend is Jesus. Today the joy of the Lord is my strength and sadness is only a small part of my life.
I will be forever grateful for the hands that reached back to me when I finally reached out f or help. They did more than guide me out of the pit of alcoholism. Although I did not acknowledge it for many years, I know the hands that reached out and took my mine were the hands of Jesus in human form.
As I enjoy my freedom and blessings today I must remember what it was like, and I cannot help but ask, am I grateful enough? Am I grateful enough to let my actions speak louder than my words? Am I grateful enough to extend my hands like the hands that were extended to me? Am I grateful enough to go step out of my comfort zone, to go to the pits and the dark places, and shine the light given to me, to help someone else see their way out? Today I can say yes. Tomorrow I will have to answer the question again. I pray my answer will be the same, today, tomorrow and forever.

I Want To Be More Free

During the intro to his song, ‘Make Me More Free’, Dennis Jernigan asks the question, “When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, was Lazarus as free at that moment as he was ever going to be? No. He was wrapped up in grave clothes. But, could he be any more alive than he was in that moment than he was ever going to be? No. Who he was, was who he was.”
I know that I have been as alive as I am ever going to be for over 40 years. The difference, in the last six years, is, as a child of God, I have a choice. Each day, I can choose to be freer than I was the day before, or stay in the same bondage that I was in. How? you are asking. By dying. Today I must die to live. Sounds paradoxical, doesn’t it? Well it is, and for me it is very true.
I have found the more I die to Self; that is, my old behaviors and sinful ways, my thinking and my ideas; and seek to embrace what I believe Jesus would have me do, the freer I become. It is a freedom that I find hard to explain: A freedom that brings peace which surpasses all understanding; A freedom to walk in the confidence God has given me to be the woman He created me to be. I no longer have to walk behind my defensive walls of fear, shame or false pride. My past no longer defines who or what I am. Today Jesus Christ defines who I am.
Each time I am made aware of my attitudes, behaviors and characteristics that are not representative of the Spirit of Christ with in me, I have a choice. I can choose to be bound by my old ways of pride, greed, selfishness, and lust for the things of this world, and live a life that grants joy for a moment and limited freedom, or I can embrace the truth of my sinfulness and die to my old ways by turning from them. When I choose to die to them, leaving my old ways at the foot of the cross,
I am able to walk in the freedom He wants for me. Jesus died that might live and enjoy life to the fullest. I cannot live freely in the abundance: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self –control; He has given, if I ignore His correction. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, and the Truth sets me free.

" Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crusified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, Let us keep in step with the Spirit."
Gal 5:24-25

As I continue to meditate on the words of Dennis’s song and the freedom I have as a child of God, I, like Dennis, continue to pray, “Lord, make me more free, make me more like you, Jesus.”

Jesus Wept - From Sept. 2006

I love how God is always preparing us for what is coming our way. I know that when I am seeking him with a sincere heart, and doing what I can to put myself in the center of His will, He will honor that and He will always take care of me, no matter what. I believe that and I trust in that
Over the years, I have come to appreciate the special way Kathy Troccoli has with words, both in her songs and in her writings. I only remember reading two of her books. Each time I have, it has been at the turning of one season to another in my life. The book I’ve been reading, Am I Not Still God? I got back in the spring. It is one of the books I may pick up a few times a week read a section or chapter, meditate on it, and then put it down until the next time I feel led to pick it up. God knew, as he always knows, just what I would need and when. The last time I read it I had left off right before the section ‘Jesus Wept.’ This was what God wanted me to read this past Friday.
In this section, Kathy opened my eyes more to the sensitivity of Jesus. In John chapter 11, Jesus had finally made his way back to Judea after Lazarus had been dead for 4 days. In verse 32, Mary falls at the feet of Jesus. In verse 33 it says, ‘When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in (was deeply moved in) the spirit and was troubled.’ In verse 35 scripture says “Jesus Wept” I don’t think I ever saw this before. As Kathy says, these are two very significant words which show the tender heart of Jesus. I know that Jesus was human and that He has experienced the same feelings I have and will experience, but Kathy helped me to see how sensitive God is to our tears. Sensitive enough that he created our bodies in such a way as to be able to cry tears to release the feelings we are having through tear ducts in our eyes. As she says, “He knew we would laugh until we cried and we would grieve with a wrenching far too deep for words, one that would have to come out of our eyes. Our eyes are the windows to our souls, and it is only natural for them to release the truth of what is being felt there.”
This reading and reading of the scriptures brought great comfort to me this past Friday. On Friday, I was able to muster some courage to invoke the responsibility I had and make the call that would free Lucky from the pain and struggles he was having, and were getting worse. The time had come for me to give Lucky back to Jesus. So on Friday, September 22, 2006 by the grace and love of God, and with the embrace of friends that have a heart like mine for the best friends God has given us, I had the strength to follow through with the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. I let Lucky go, back to the arms of Jesus.
As Kathy goes on, she reminds me that God holds all our tears in a bottle and lets not one of them fall to the ground. “He feels deeply. He is moved greatly. He lets us bury our heads in his chest, and as he wipes our tears He wipes his own.” I believe this with all my heart. This is not the first time I have cried and felt God crying with me. Many times, Gods tears come as a shower from heaven as they did this past Friday morning and have been off and on the last few days.
I miss Lucky. He was my best friend and companion for over twelve years. He saw me through some of the most difficult times of my life. Lucky was always there for me, never wavering in his love and affection for me, even when I didn’t deserve it, and didn’t or couldn’t give it back. He loved me even when I scolded him, most of which was for silly things. He helped me learn the deeper meaning of unconditional love. With Jesus, he was my security. Hhe went wherever I went (he made six moves with me); he was my protector and my comforter. Lucky was my best friend and was a great gift from Jesus himself.
I will always miss Lucky and at this point, I cannot put the feelings and emotions I am having and going through into words. I do know Lucky is free now and is in a much better place. I can smile and find peace in that, especially when I see him running again and playing Frisbee.

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Rev. 21:4